Thursday, February 19, 2015

Walking In the Darkness - Part Two



Remember my last post?  And how you signed your name on the dotted line and committed to journeying through the darkness with me?  I thought so.  So glad we made that official.

So.  Now we figure out what we're going to do about all of this - this yuck, this pain, this anger, this suffering, this sadness...  We need to figure out what to do with this darkness.  

In the next few days, I will offer a few ideas, you are welcome to take your pick.  (wink, wink...)

Option Numero Uno - We can pretend like the darkness isn't even there.  

Let's be frank.  I'm talking about straight up denial, folks.  We can close our eyes or shield our faces or look away...  We could even try to cram the darkness up into a neat, little, packaged box and put it in our attic, out of sight, out of mind.  You are welcome to try to get really distracted with hobbies and busyness and life and family in an effort to not think about the dark.

Gosh, the perks of this approach are so alluring...  They would include continuing to live our oh-so-normal lives and continuing to go through the motions, not making any waves.

We could still be perceived as perfect and put together and strong and independent.  
(Which, by the way, seems to be extremely valued and honored in our culture, so I wouldn't blame you for being swayed in this direction...)  

Oh, and when people ask us how we are doing, we can give the expected answer, "I'm good," and continue on our merry ways!  Awkwardness averted.  Hooray.

But here's the downside.  There are plenty of days that I am just NOT good.  
Deep inside, I am not even fine, and eventually, the whole denial charade becomes exhausting.

 Even though we may be fantastic at pretending it's not there, the darkness is still really there.

Look away and shield your eyes all you want, I promise you, it's not leaving.  Though distractions seem to help, darkness has a way of looming, thicker and blacker, in spite of it all.  In my experience, it will rear it's ugly head at some point, and it usually comes back more compounded, more complicated, more damaging and at a much more inconvenient time.

And, seriously, did you really think all that darkness would fit into your little box?  Or heck, even fit into your attic?  Mine sure wouldn't.  Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I HAVE an attic.  (Note to self: Ask Mark about our attic.)

The more we deny the existence of darkness and yuck and hard in our life, the more we will feel like we're living a lie, like people don't really know us, like we are disconnected, misunderstood, numb, distant, alone.  So very alone.

I'm starting to think denial is a terrible way to deal with darkness.  Let's think of some other options, shall we?
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