Wednesday, June 13, 2018

About Wes's Birth


I should be writing full paragraphs to narrate the story of Wes's first few days, but my sleep-deprived brain won't allow it.  Instead of waiting for the energy, and then risking forgetting some of the story's details, I'm throwing together a big bullet-pointed list.  (#thirdchildproblems)  

Here are several things I want to remember about Wes's birth.  Many are small and seemingly insignificant things, but to me, they are important and worth treasuring.
  1. Mark and I conjuring up small talk on the hour drive to the hospital.  Both of us likely having much bigger things on our mind, but trying to maintain some normalcy.
  2. Walking in the same entrance, traveling up the same elevator, seeing the same signs on the wall as we did when our five-month-old Charlotte had meningitis in the same, darn hospital.
  3. How it felt to check in to an appointment to have a baby.
  4. The cheery and honest pre-op nurse who reminded me of a sweet friend I trust.  
  5. How long two hours feels with absolutely nothing to do but wait and worry - our only distraction watching an IV drip fluids, and a machine track baby heartbeats.
  6. How Mark prayed with our doctor before the operation.
  7. How long the hallway looked leading to the operating room.
  8. How very vulnerable and desperate it feels to be completely numb, laying on an operating table, looking up at bright lights.  To be starkly reminded of how little control we really have in life and death and the in between.
  9. The older, grandpa anesthetist who had kind eyes and was so very reassuring.  How many times he gently told me, "That's completely normal.  It's okay to feel that way."
  10. The younger anesthetist with rimmed glasses who was so assertive and focused.  How he insisted on doing another IV "just in case" and refused to start anything without another unit of blood on hand.  How he acted quickly when the spinal drugs were too strong and how he adjusted other meds at least one million times as my blood pressure acted funky.
  11. How it felt to hear Wes cry, to hear the nurse say he was a boy (I had my doubts) and that his lungs were strong (I had my fears).
  12. That I got to greet him right away and welcome him to the world, fully conscious and aware - a first, despite having three kids.
  13. That we noticed Wes's broad shoulders and dark hair first.
  14. How our doctor laughed and reassured us that everything had clamped down perfectly and that there was no sign of hemorrhaging.
  15. How Mark led the entire operating room in the Doxology after Wes was born and I had been stitched back up.
  16. All of Wes's little grunts and spunky kicks.
  17. How great it felt to rip off all the damn tape and IV ports.
  18. What it was like to relax in a hospital without complications or fears.  
  19. That Charlotte wanted to hold Wes immediately and dote over him, that Will preferred to observe and smile with sparkly eyes.
  20. How Will and Charlie's first words after "Welcome home!  Happy birthday, Wes!" were "WHY IS YOUR TUMMY SO STILL BIG, Mom?!"  (I should have sent them straight to their rooms for that kind of sassy talk.)
  21. How Will started talking in a lowered "dude" voice with his hands on his hips or in his pockets.  Acting tough and old and protective and responsible.  That he wanted to be twins with Wes and was disappointed they wouldn't look exactly alike.
  22. How Charlotte kept asking if we could "keep" Wes.  How excited she was every.single.time I said "yes!"
Share:

Saturday, June 2, 2018

On the very last night of being pregnant...


On the very last night of being pregnant, ever...
  1. I am wishing we didn't send our kids to grandma's already in the name of getting a good night's sleep before the big day.  Tonight feels weighty, and it feels wrong not to share it with their wriggling toddler selves, cuddling on the couch and kissing their fat cheeks goodnight.
  2. Though the Lord has made promises, spoken so clearly to us, I am still scared for my own life and the baby's.  I am praying it wasn't the last time I brushed Charlie's hair out of her face or talked to Will about baseball.  I am praying our little man gets to come home, to grow in our cozy house, to learn to walk and belly laugh in the living room with us.  I am praying for more faith and rest.
  3. I am realizing most of us mamas don't sense as much finality as I am feeling right now.  We happen to know this will be our last pregnancy.  We happen to know our c-section is tomorrow at 11:30 AM.  Many aren't able to count down the very last hours or minutes to the end of an era or the start of something so new.  I am thankful for these moments I get to process and treasure more than most.  The Lord knew I'd need the extra time.
  4. I am looking forward to living without heartburn every waking second of the day.
  5. I am looking forward to a new me.  One that is a little more steady and hormonally balanced.
  6. I am wondering how I will ever lose 70 pounds, especially in loving chocolate so much, and in hating working out so much.
  7. I am looking forward to a crunchy diapered butt to pat and rock, praying he will be more on the chill side and less on the colicky side.
  8. I am thankful I am due tomorrow instead of August, like Charlotte was.  Summer + pregnancy = the worst.  I only needed two 100 degree days this May to help me remember that.  
  9. I am hoping he has dark hair - lots of it - like Will did.
  10. I am hoping he is over 9 pounds, especially because then I will win a bet.
  11. I am grateful this is our last night of waiting.  My mind is frazzled and very weary from waiting and thinking too much and waiting some more.  Delivery - deliverance - and a healthy baby, please come quickly.  
  12. I am already looking forward to his first birthday.  I love first birthdays and the start of toddlerhood.  
  13. I am spending these last hours writing, taking a long bath and eating chocolate.  Mark is staying busy in the yard and going on a bike ride - both of us de-stressing in our own ways.  (I am also jealous of Mark, wishing my coping mechanisms involved burning calories instead of ingesting them.)
  14. I am mindful of the many graces the Lord has given to us in the last nine months.  Too many to count and far too deep to articulate - at least today.  He has been so, so near to us - so present and full of grace upon grace upon grace.  
Share:
© The DeYounge Life | All rights reserved.
Blog Design Handcrafted by pipdig