Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Today's Letters No. 5

Dear Hair,
Last week, I was a little frustrated with you and your extreme (and ugly) reaction to the humidity.  I would like to take this opportunity to say, "I'm sorry."  I misunderstood you.  All along, you were just mad I was using cheap-o products on you again.  Evidently, Suave doesn't cut it for you?  I have come to a life-transforming realization, which brings me to a letter to myself today...  

Dear Self,
Be willing to invest in a great hair cut and great hair product.  Hair is worth spending money on.  Hair is not a place to cut corners.  You wear hair EVERY DAY.  Like, more than your favorite jeans or sweater or shoes or even coat and purse.  If you have bad hair, you may as well throw the outfit away, because you still look ugly.  If you have GOOD hair, you can wear a plain gray sweatshirt and be 10 pounds overweight and still look fly (I know this from experience).  Never forget this.

Dear Moroccan Oil,
Why, hello.  It is very, very nice to meet you.  Also, you are hard to spell.  

Dear Will,
Today you said, with a wrinkly nose, "Mama, I smell sump-in."  Then your eyes got wide, "I fink it's chok-it (chocolate)!  Did you eat some-a dat?  I have some?"  You caught me.  I snuck a section of a Hershey's bar in my mouth a minute before - making sure to chew and swallow before I tucked you in for your nap.  And yet you caught the tiniest whiff and called me out.  ...  Once, when your daddy and I were trying to be really healthy and stay away from sugar, he came home from work and kissed me.  It was just a little peck, really, but I could still smell the purple Gatorade he had snuck on the drive home.  Busted.  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, welcome to the world of highly sensitive people.  You're in great company.

Dear Charlotte,
I know I am a little biased, but you have the most beautiful, pale, soft and golden hair.  I have never cut it - not once - since you were born.  I am a little nervous for the day it WILL get too long.  You are such a strong lady.  Will you go all Samson on me and lose your strength once we cut it?  The thought has seriously crossed my mind.  I don't THINK you're a Nazarite, but I maybe I missed something...

Dear Papa George + Grammy Pammy,
Thanks for the impromptu visit on Saturday.  Will and Charlie keep asking every day if it's time to go back to Grammy's house and sit in Papa's airplane.

Dear Red,
It dawned on me about a week ago when my mom was trying to decide what color to paint her house...  You are my very least favorite color.  Like, I really hate you.  I just hate red.  I especially hate the way you look in pictures - oversaturated and in-your-face.  Even as I write you this letter, I am envisioning The Day the Crayons Quit book and all the grumbling things you might write back to me in your scratchy penmanship.  Gosh, I love that book.  Do you?  

Dear Friends That Text Me and Never Receive a Response, 
I currently have 97 unread and unanswered texts on my phone.  And, another 15 voicemails.  Just wanted to let you know...  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  #introvertproblems #infj 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

I'm Dreaming of a ... Caramel Apple Party!

If you've read even two posts on this blog, you know I am a little obsessed with parties.  So because it's been, like, three days since my last party, I'm already dreaming of another one...

How fun would a CARAMEL APPLE Trunk Show be?!  

If you type in "caramel apple" ANYthing in Pinterest right now, the results are endless, but My Name is Snickerdoodle had one of my favorite posts.  Simple and beautiful. 

There's always a fine line in party planning - at least for me.  I want it to be beautiful, but it can quickly become overcomplicated.  The balance between simple and beautiful is a very happy place.  In fact, I might even simplify the Snickerdoodle Caramel Apples even more!  For me, it would look like this...

1. Scrounge through my cupboards and shop my house.  In my cupboards, I'd find leftover chocolate chips, shredded coconut, leftover chopped walnuts, leftover sprinkles, cinnamon and sugar (to mix), and Oreos I could use for apple toppings.  I would also find a little platter for the apples and a cupcake tin for the toppings.

2. I'd go to the grocery store and get: Granny Smith apples, microwavable caramel sauce (it's in the apple section this time of year!), chocolate syrup, two squeeze bottles (I think they are about 50 cents at Wal-Mart) and a pack of paper dessert plates and napkins in the party section (also inexpensive!).

3. To prep, I'd dump all the toppings in the cupcake tin and squeeze bottles.  I would NOT cut or prep the apples and instead leave them whole.  (I tried prepping apples once for a larger party and swore I would never do it again.  Why?  1) Because it takes a long time.  2) Because it involves other ingredients like lemon juice or 7up or whatever else to keep apples from browning.  3) I ALWAYS under or overestimate the amount people will eat.  In this particular circumstance, I OVERestimated, leaving me with many, many, many brown slices of apples.  4) Whole apples look beautiful in a larger bowl or platter.  They are decoration themselves.  Brown apple slices?  Not so much.)  I think it'd be fine to leave the apples whole and set an apple corer next to a platter, right?!  DIY, baby!  Anyway, I'd also lay out the plates and napkins, which will take you 2.5 seconds if you've had some practice...

4.  Then I would have a glass of wine and wait for people to arrive.  ...  Just kidding.  I would be chasing my kids around and cleaning up the trail of mess they leave behind, right up until the second people arrive.  

But really, people.  Even if you don't have a million friends over, and even if you don't host a caramel apple TRUNK SHOW, you seriously should do caramel apples at the very least with your family or best buddy.  BECAUSE IT'S SEPTEMBER.  And that is what you do in September, folks.

Happy caramel appleing! 


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Today's Letters

Dear Humidity,
You are suffocating me.  Please go away.

Dear Hair,

I know it's humid out and all, but seriously.  Your freaking out is a little excessive.

Dear Sioux Center Wal-Mart,

I wish you were Target.

Dear Coffee Pot,

I wish you were Starbucks.

Dear Tuesday,

I wish you were Monday.  I need another day to introvert.

Dear Self,

Stop being so grouchy pants.  You have a lot to be thankful for.

Dear Chatbooks,
Thanks for coming in the mail today.  You were a happy surprise on a lame day.

Dear Ghirardelli Chocolate and Red Wine,

You really can fix a lot of things.  I love you.


Liza Jane DeYounge
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