Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Pregnant Liza - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Aaaand...we're back, folks.  So much has happened since I last blogged, I'm not even sure where to begin.

We bought a house, moved to a different state, unpacked, started a new job...  We're painting, making our house into a home...  We're adjusting and transitioning.

Some of our biggest news is that we're expecting!  The BABY bump is coming soon, but for now I'm sporting a nice CARB bump.  After all, the baby will need some insulation for the winter.  You're welcome, little pipsqueak.  I'm about 10 weeks, and we got to hear the heartbeat yesterday.  Fun.  It was very fast and very strong...and very, very cute.

My lack of blogging is mostly due to being super overwhelmed and sick.  If I were my usual self, I would probably be able to handle our many transitions fairly well.  Because, well, let's be honest...I've moved over a bazillion times in my life.  (My record is moving five different times in one year.)  BUT, "Pregnant Liza" is not as versatile, flexible or steady.

Oh!  You haven't met Pregnant Liza yet?  So sorry.  Let me introduce her.

Pregnant Liza looks a lot like the Regular Liza, except she is a little thicker around the midsection these days. Though the Regular Liza cares a decent amount about the way she looks, Pregnant Liza does not.  Pregnant Liza barely takes a shower, let alone does her hair.  She doesn't care that her roots are growing out, or that she needs a hair cut.  She is comfortable doing a pony tail or tiny bun  Pregnant Liza disregards all of her cute jeans and tops, but she needs to buy new leggings and stretchy pants before she gets holes in them from wearing them so often.

Regular Liza used to love coffee, ketchup, Mexican food, spinach salads, and lots of veggies.  Pregnant Liza hates all of those things, including just about every other kind of food.  Unlike most prego ladies, Prego Liza does not have ANY cravings.  When absolutely forced, she will eat macaroni and cheese, rice baby cereal, vanilla protein bars and sometimes a potato...but if it is after 5PM, she will probably puke it up later anyway.

Speaking of puking, Regular Liza will do ANYTHING in her power to NOT throw up.  Pregnant Liza doesn't really have a choice.  Whoever dubbed it "morning sickness" was silly, because Pregnant Liza has a lot of afternoon and evening and NIGHT sickness.  She is very sick of feeling sick and very, VERY sick of throwing up.  Classy, right?

Regular Liza would choose to wake up at 10AM and go to bed around 1AM.  Pregnant Liza would choose to wake up at 10AM and go to bed around 8:30PM...that is, if she was able to nap from 2-3PM.

Regular Liza tended to be highly sensitive.  Pregnant Liza is EXTREMELY highly sensitive.  Any less-than-perfect smell, texture, temperature, lighting, noise, touch, or feeling is a big deal and very hard to tune out.  Pregnant Liza struggles to not feel overwhelmed in sensing every flipping detail in the world.

Though the Regular Liza loved to think creative thoughts, design up a storm, invest in lots of ladies, and be semi-over-committed with ministry sorts of things, Pregnant Liza can't seem to cover all of those bases anymore.  She's learning what it means to be less prideful in NOT saying "Here let ME take care of YOU," but to be willing to say, "I need YOUR help and can't do this on my own."  She hasn't been able to attend all the church and youth group activities and hasn't been able to keep in touch with her friends as much as usual.  Pregnant Liza needs a lot of grace these days.

Pregnant Liza also struggles to fight for joy.  Though she is not clinically depressed, her ridiculous hormones are giving her a run for her money.  Hopelessness, discouragement and despair crouch at her door, ready to take control at any weak moment.  She is clinging to some good scripture and trusting the Lord to fight her battles, but she is still weary.

Pregnant Liza is learning what it means to be more selfless, more enduring, more steadfast.  She's learning about dying to herself.  She is growing in having more of a heart for those who DO struggle with clinical depression and/or long-term health issues.  She's experiencing a desert, maybe a drought, but her roots are growing deeper and stronger in search of good water.  She knows the struggles are good, meaningful and worth it.  But let's be honest, they are still not EASY or pain free.  She wants to do a good job of embracing suffering and welcoming the testing.  We'll see how that goes...

So there you go!  You'll have plenty of time to get to know Pregnant Liza a little better in the next five to six months.  Hope you can tolerate the new voice on the blog.  :)

On a more serious note, though I seem to be super sullen and full of complaints, we are very grateful and happy to be having a baby.  We had been "trying" for about a year and a half, so to be pregnant now is a special miracle and answer to prayer.  My goal is just to be honest and transparent about the everyday sort of life that I live.  My goal is to be REAL with you, friends.  Life happens, and it is usually not quite as perfect and full of hearts and flowers as we'd like it to be.  Regardless, it IS beautiful and the journey is always worth it.

On a even more serious note, for the next five or six months, I will be accepting any and all ideas to combat nausea and vomiting.  And...please pray that I am one of the lucky mamas that is only sick for 12 weeks.  Thankyouverymuch.

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