Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Walking in the darkness - part one



If you are heavy with grief, laden with sadness and suffering...  If you are paralyzed with fear, or inflamed with anger...  If you have carried these loads for a while, maybe the weight has caused you to feel numb or disconnected, lost, even ashamed...  You are worn thin and feeling ragged and frayed.

If you are feeling any of these sorts of things today, know that I am with you.  And by "I", I mean "me", Liza DeYounge.  I am heavy with grief and sadness.  I have been paralyzed with fear and inflamed by anger.  Many days, I feel I am wandering into a blizzard of disconnectedness and growing numb.  

Depressing, right?

Surely there is more than this.  

Surely, there is more freedom, more joy, more hope available to us, no?  This can't be it.

Try as I might, and even though I know there is more, I can't seem to get past some of the heaviness and haze that seem to linger - still.  I'll be honest.  This "choosing joy" sort of thing is just not jiving with me these days.

I've run to comfortable and bright sorts of places, trying to cope, I've stayed inside where it is safe and light, but the darkness is still close - just outside the door.  I've tried to carry a flashlight or slap a little night light in the outlets surrounding my heart, but alas, the darkness is too thick and looming.  

I am left at this place, right here, right now, thinking that the best way to deal with all of this pent up emotion and heartache is to just learn to walk in the dark...with boldness and confidence, knowing God is just as near, just as present, just as close.  When things get heavier, and stormier, and blacker and darker, He is not absent.  

And yet...

And yet, it is still a scary journey to embark upon.  

Maybe it will be less scary if we do it together...?  I'd like to invite you to join me in learning to walk in the dark, learning to lament, learning to seek Him in the midst of it all.  

Ultimately, I'd like to invite you to join me in journeying towards healing and restoration and even resurrection. 

Want to come along?  Check back.  I'll be posting more in the coming weeks leading up to Easter.  



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5 comments

  1. Liza, I still remember you're psalm of lament of many years ago at the 5 o'clock service. I'm with you. Sometimes when heart wrenching and earth shattering events happen, even when it all turns out fine, I find myself guarding my heart. It never feels right but I keep wading through.

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    1. Love you, Marianne! So glad the Lord has been so faithful to us both!

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  2. Precious girl, how can I support you? Tell me.

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  3. Oh Liza, I have been trying to learn to walk in the darkness my entire life. I honestly can't remember a time I've felt joy, only pain, darkness, fear and sadness. Only lately am I finding my way out toward the light in the far distance. You do not walk alone, dear sister.

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