Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Sometimes I don't think I realize the depth of my sin or the darkness of my own depravity. I don't think I realize the depth of my nation's sin or the darkness of it's depravity either. In my head, in a cognitive sort of way, I understand that I don't measure up to the Lord's standards for my life. I also understand that my nation has completely turned it's back on the Godly sorts of principles our founding fathers put into place at it's beginning. I know that I am prideful, really selfish and ridiculously frivolous. I know greed, wastefulness, idolatry and self-centeredness runs rampant in the streets of America. As a result of sin and it's effects, I know my neighbors are dying, suffering, and living in bondage.

I'm just wondering why I feel so numb about it all lately.

I've heard people say that it's really hard to be repentant or broken when everything around you is "life as usual." I've had moments of feeling ruined, but for some reason, it hasn't lasted long. Since my life is posh and comfortable, since I have food on the table and in my refrigerator, since I have cash in my wallet, since I am healthy, since I can go to the grocery store or the mall or the internet and have anything I feel like I want in a matter of seconds... Even though I cognitively recognize that things are broken, I don't feel broken. I don't feel like I'm in need of anything, and I don't know the meaning of being totally desperate. I don't realize how in need I am of God's mercy, of His kindness. I don't know how to be totally, completely, and desperately repentant.

I have been praying that I would be more repentant, and especially, that I would feel more repentant. I am growing a little scared about praying that prayer, though, because I am realizing that to be truly repentant, the Lord might choose to bring me to a place of great need, brokenness and desperation. Yikes. The good thing is that, throughout my life, God has proven Himself to be a good, good Father. Every hard thing He has brought my way has been worth it. And, as a bonus, He gifts me with strength to stand in the midst of whatever happens. Score.

1 comment

  1. Amen sister...I honestly wished I could have just "liked" your post, a simple, superficial response....but since I can't I just want you to know that its so true. This last weekend through tuesday I have been feeling especially broken. Not fun, but it has put me in deeper need for Him..And He is so good. Love you!


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